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Great Father But Lousy Husband

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Recently a question came in: How do I respect my husband when he does nothing for me? He’s a great father but a lousy husband. 

Isn’t this a great question? 

This question is why I have a love/hate relationship with marriage conferences and retreats. As great as they can be, at the end of the day, if as a spouse you operate out of reciprocation – you likely won’t notice much change in your marriage.

Don’t get me wrong – your husband might be the ultra-romantic. His love language might match yours, and he may be super in tune with your emotions and care more about blessing you than himself (please pause the bragging) – but this is not the reality for most wives. 

So sure, it sounds nice being respectful to your husband and loved by him (shout out to Love & Respect), but sometimes, it’s just not the case – for either of you.

There may be times and/or seasons where you think to yourself –

He’s a great father, but lousy husband.

And it might be true.

But, my sweet friend, if you and I are honest, there are times and/or seasons where we love our kids a whole lot better than we do our husbands.

We’re great mothers, but lousy wives.

Don’t you just hate it when you realize you’re just as guilty? Yeah. I feel your pain.

Why?

Because it’s easier to love our kids. Just like it is for our husbands, the same is true for us.

The key is recognizing that you may be in this rut – that it’s not just your husband – and then making a choice to change it.

What can YOU do?

First off – remember that your husband being a great father is a celebration! Praise him for being a father who loves and who cares.

Also – recognize that you thinking your husband is ‘lousy’ is different than you feeling unloved. Become good at recognizing the difference – because usually, when we respectfully communicate our temporary feelings, it opens the door for growth.

Remember, you can only change you. And you, my dear adorable sister-friend, have one God-given mission. And it’s pretty simple.

Your job is to love your others – including your husband, the best you possibly can (John 13:34-35). Period. This means you strive to be a grace-giver when it’s hard to be. It means you hold your tongue when you don’t want to. It means you strive to speak when the Spirit guides the words. It means declaring and speaking the Holy gift your husband is to The Kingdom. It means building up your husband’s confidence and his spirit to soar as the man God created him to be. It means choosing wisely how you care for yourself so you can care for your husband. It means blessing him when he hasn’t blessed you. It means being dedicated to grow and learn what this looks like.

It means not waiting for your husband to be a certain way but instead you leading the way by showing him Christ’s love through how you love him.

But just do it. Girlfriend, you only have one shot at your marriage. Don’t have any regrets.

 

Can you relate? I’d love to hear your struggle, and what you’d like to do about it.

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