Sometimes our best qualities hurt our relationships the most. (13)

Interviews With Wives – Katie Reid

Posted on Posted in Wisdom For Wives

Tell us about you!

I’m Katie. I’m 40, and I am married to Adam (married 16 years) and we have 5 kids. I am an author, speaker, and Idea Doula (I help people give birth to their creative projects). Some of my favorite things are cut-to-the-chase conversations, Broadways musicals, and seeing my friends use their talents for God’s glory.

 

What difficulties have you faced as a wife?

As a tightly wound woman, I have control issues. This has played out in our marriage. I can be bossy which comes across as disrespectful and demeaning to my man. I’m working on my tone, and giving him space for his personality instead of trying to get him to morph into mine.

 

Were there any unhealthy expectations you had going into marriage that you later learned were not helpful?

Yes, I assumed that a Christian marriage should look a certain way…the guy did the finances, he led morning devotionals, etc. When our marriage didn’t look like that I was frustrated but then I realized (through the help and patience of my man) that just because we do things differently doesn’t mean they are wrong. Finding out what works for you as a couple is important

Comparing to other marriages can breed discontentment. I talk more about this on “The Easy Wife” podcast if you’re interested. http://katiemreid.com/2017/06/hope-marriages-dreams/

 

How did you struggle with housework and/or differences in amount of work each spouse does?

Adam is really helpful around the house, but I know this is not the case in many marriages. I think the biggest thing is communicating. If you feel like you’re on your own with household tasks, see if you could delegate some responsibilities by hiring someone (if your budget allows) or swapping chores with a friend. Maybe you could bring her a meal each week and she would vacuum and dust for you?

I think a lot of the issues can come from what each of you and your spouse were used to growing up. For example, my dad took out the trash so I expected Adam to do that. He usually does, but I do sometimes too. Again, communication is key. Sometimes our spouse don’t know we need help with a task unless we ask for it and ask them to do it. Assume the best!

 

In what ways have you struggled with intimacy with your spouse?

Intimacy is a vulnerable area. Many couples are not intimate very often and we believe that it can become dangerous territory. If you have a medical issue, seek help. If you have a low drive, try to find out why. I personally think that we women run ourselves ragged during the day and then have nothing left to give. We have changed the time of day that we commence and it has made a big difference! 😉

Intimacy is especially challenging when your kids are babies, when you’re in a busy season, or when you’re upset. But God knew what He was doing when He gave us the gift of sex within marriage. It is like glue that helps keep us connected emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Because of my personality, I tend to like to keep things the same but Adam has patiently helped me grow in this area and spice things up a bit. And I’m glad. We communicate about sex and have had some difficult conversations about our pasts in order to improve our love life.

 

In what ways have you struggled with communicating with your spouse?

My friend, Laurie, gave me a powerful tool to help communicate with my spouse. Since I have been blessed with big emotions, most things are a 10 on my scale of emotions. So, I sometimes will say, “This situation is a 3” (meaning it is not that big of a deal). Or, one time, I told Adam, “This is an 11!” (meaning I was really upset by something). This scale has helped him understand where I am coming from and navigate my sea of “big” feelings.

 

How did you connect with your spouse when you were raising your children?

Texting during the day.

Date nights (although we need to get better at consistently doing this).

Taking 15 minutes after he is settled in from work to connect, talk, debrief. The kids know not to interrupt us while we talk (unless they are bleeding or the house is on fire). Sunday naps together.  😉

 

What do you wish young wives knew?

Life is short, don’t keep a record of wrongs.

Get counseling if you need it.

Honor your spouse in public and private. Be their biggest cheerleader. Build them up and kiss on a regular basis.

Your spouse is not your “god” and cannot and should not meet all your needs.

It’s easy to drift apart if you are not intentional about communicating, making love, and spending time together.

KMReidBFS08S

Katie M. Reid is an author and speaker who encourages others to find grace in the unraveling of life at KatieMReid.com. She delights in her handsome hubby, her five loud children, and their country life in the middle of Michigan. Each week Katie and her husband, Adam, broadcast hope for couples on their popular Facebook Live show, “Stop! Hammock Time.” Tune in on Wednesday, at 9pm EST on Katie’s Facebook Page.

Katie’s first book, Made Like Martha: Good News for the Woman Who Gets Things Done comes out with Waterbook July of 2018. She has also been published through Focus on the Family, Huffington Post, (in)courage, For Every Mom, Crosswalk, MOPS, and many other sites. Katie speaks at conferences, events, and camps. Cut-to-the-chase conversation over hot or cold tea is one of her favorite things.
Subscribe to Katie’s Blog for free music and on-going encouragement!

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