Sometimes our best qualities hurt our relationships the most. (12)

Interviews With Wives – Micah Maddox

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Micah Maddox has a passion to help women find purpose, peace, and calmness in this chaotic world. She’s a simple girl. She is a pastor’s wife, and mom of four. Although her life looks lovely in a family picture or on a Christmas card, she struggles just like anybody else. She shares her passion in her new book, Anchored In (see below).

What difficulties have you faced as a wife?
When children came along and seasons changed, I struggled to communicate my needs. There have been lots of ups and downs in our twelve short years, but overall our issues usually go back to communication. When I finally owned the fact that he can’t read my mind it changed our relationship in a wonderful way. Even things I think he knows, I’ve learned to verbalize. It’s a huge win for both of us!

Were there any unhealthy expectations you had going into marriage that you later learned were not helpful?
I struggled in our early years with unrealistic expectations constantly. I wanted the fairy tale, dream come true kind of relationship that you see in the princess movies. But as newlyweds, I worked all day, and he went to college and then worked late into the night. Spending evenings alone wasn’t exactly what I had imagined.

How did you struggle with housework and/or differences in amount of work each spouse does?
We both carry heavy ministry loads, so we’ve had to learn how to manage the house through the different seasons of life. There are weeks when I do everything around the house, and there are weeks when my hubby has more time to help.

What has helped?

I’ve learned through the years, there are bigger things to worry about than a messy house or chores that are undone. One thing we have done that has really helped, has been to discuss who does what. When the job is undone, we don’t pester each other (usually, unless the trash needs to be taken out – I’m still working on not nagging him for that one).

In what ways have you struggled with communicating with your spouse?
I think in this season, busyness is probably our biggest struggle. With four children, ministry all hours of the day, and life, we are crazy busy.

What have you learned?

I have learned to let my needs be known. When I don’t, I suffer in silence. But when I put my phone away and look into my husband’s eyes and tell him how I’m struggling, he hears me. And usually shares his needs too.

I usually send my husband a text to let him know I’m thinking about him. He then is able to follow up, and is good about letting me know he’s thinking about me too. It’s fun when we are both kind to each other.

 

How did you connect with your spouse when you were raising your children?
We are in the thick of it right now. Our children are 11, 9, 7, and 2. We make time for sex. I know it sounds so superficial, but if we can physically connect even in the crazy times of life, we can emotionally connect. You may think it sounds backwards, but sex is a stress reliever. Not just sex, but intimacy with your one and only. When we choose to give ourselves freely to each other physically, it’s so much easier to share the emotional side of life too.

If you could do the season over with young kiddos, how would it look different?
When my first two children came along, I was crazy. I struggled with postpartum depression and didn’t seek help early. I waited, thinking it would just go away. I put my husband through a lot as I struggled to figure out the mothering gig along with a slew of unhealthy emotions. If I could go back, I would tell that twenty something momma to take a chill pill and ask for help right away. There is no super mom and everyone has emotional struggles. I suffered in silence way to long. If I could do it over, I would have slowed down in those early years and not put so much pressure on myself to be the perfect mom.

What do you see young wives struggling with today? What do you wish they knew?
I would say one of the biggest struggles is technology. We can’t look at everyone else’s highlight reel and wonder why our life isn’t as exciting. I wish I would have known from day one that marriage is what you make it. I think then I would have avoided some of the needless emotional strain. If we can take a step back and really see marriage as a lifetime, everything in life seems so insignificant and small. The things we make big deals about don’t really amount to much in the grand picture.

If you were to look back at yourself on your wedding day, what do you wish you would’ve known?
I think I wish I would have been able to understand that most things aren’t worth fighting over. So many of our disagreements aren’t even worth spending the emotional energy on. As I look around me and see marriages failing one after another, I see people who chose to fight fights that really aren’t worth it. There’s really only one fight worth fighting and it’s the fight to keep your marriage strong.

Micah Maddox is a women’s conference speaker, Bible teacher, writer, blogger, and author of Anchored In: Experience a Power-Full Life in a Problem-Filled World. She is passionate about helping women find purpose, peace, and calm in our chaotic world. As a pastor’s wife and mother of three, she contributes her time to MOPS and her local church – including serving as a women’s ministry leader.

Micah Pink Head Shot copy 3

About her new book: 
Problems can make you feel like God is far away, but they can also be the very things that bring you closer to him.

Anchored In isn’t a book of Christian cliché’s or sweet stories to warm the heart but rather an authentic look at the hard parts of life.  It challenges us to stop running from and clinging to the past, and to grasp tightly to the only unshakable Anchor that is able to sustain our souls through the storms of life.

Hearing from God is not reserved for a chosen few, but rather promised to those who believe. If you are longing to experience God’s power in a deeper way, this is a journey for you.

2 thoughts on “Interviews With Wives – Micah Maddox

  1. Micah, I love how you mention suffering in silence. In some ways, I think all wives and mothers have been guilty of not communicating our needs. Often, I put myself not only on the backseat, but on the third row. Thank you for the reminder to pick our battles. My family has went through a lot of changes this past year, but thankfully it has made my marriage stronger. I’ll continue to work on communication. XO

    1. Hey there Lemon, thank you for sharing. I agree that it can be a challenge to even pause to consider what our own needs are, or how we’re feeling. So often we’re busy helping those around us that we fail to connect with what we might need. And then to communicate it! And THEN, to communicate it in a loving and respectful way! Lord, help us!

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